Quotations of Maestro Iwan Edwards
 
Somewhat freely remembered after the rehearsals by Jim Katz. Other members corroborate the findings....
 
April xxxx
"Louder clarinets - we're trying to draw attention away from the violas."
"That sounds unfriendly." 
"Play music, not notes."
"The image here is peasants dancing - not falling all over themselves like the horns."
"It is pastoral but think of frolicking lambs rather than stomping angus beef."

February xxxx
"You're playing Sibelius - don't sound like drunken Swedish people!"
"I'm not looking at any one person - I'm trying really hard not to look at any one person in particular..." (said while looking at one person in particular - a viola player who shall remain nameless.)
"If a clarinet can do that, surely a flute can as well."
"I have to remember, I'm talking to adults here."
"You're fine once you come down from the nether regions. Now you just have to fix your nether regions." (Is there a proctologist in the house?)
"Keep your sound always within the bounds of good taste, horns, not vomiting all over the stage."
Wind player, blaming the reeds: "It's the weather."  Iwan: "Yes, whether you can play it or not."
"You're not out to prove you can play better than the violas - that's no challenge."  (Said to another section.....any other section.)
Playing Elgar's 'Chanson de Matin':  "I want an idealized scene here, don't play it as if you're really describing someone getting up in the morning and having to rush to the bathroom."

February xxxx
"I assume I can use medical terminology with this orchestra: You're vomiting all over the stage."
 
January xxxx
"You're turning perfectly good tunes into Soap Operas."
"ANIMATO is not what you put in sandwiches."
(I thought Animato was a lycopene-based laxative - Jim)
"I'm having fun at your expense."
"Just play, and I'll weep for you afterwards."
"You're too NICE, cellos. That's not like you at all."
"When in doubt, just do the opposite of what you think I said."
"You shouldn't sound like chickens being plucked" (followed by a most impressive and expressive demonstration of chicken plucking and slaughter from the chicken's point of view.)
"I don't plan this stuff - it just happens."
 
September xxxxx
"Your job as medical health professional is to alleviate pain not to inflict it - try to play in tune"
"Where is the harp? Where you are going you won't hear it!"
"You made that sound like peasants frolicking.... with hobnail boots."
 
June xxxx
"The first measure is just an introduction to the second measure."
"Play that part down near the frog with as much venom as possible..."  (presumably not near those other peace-loving frogs over there.)
 
May xxxx
"Don't play it like THAT ; it isn't THAT kind of music - not that there is THAT kind of music."
"Mistakes? Once - I'll tolerate; Twice - I get impatient; Three times - you're dead."
"If the composer wanted wrong notes, he would have written them."
"Playing in 7/8 time is like riding a donkey with one leg longer than the others."
"I'm impressed....I shouldn't be, but I am."
"By the time we've conquered this piece, we'll have played it."
 
April xxxx
"Pianissimo does NOT mean 'don't play'."
"You sound like you have lumbago." (I guess Iwan wants to use medical examples with a doctors' orchestra.)
"Make it sound like: I'm Having A Good Time.... not 'I'm Hanging On By My Fingernails...."
"This part has drama, you sound like a flock of chickens."
"At least sound like chickens who know they are going to get their heads cut off. You sound like chickens who enjoy the idea...."
"Women composers don't make as many mistakes. That is because there are not as many of them. ....mistakes, I mean, not women composers - I'm not anti-feminist."
"Sink into this abyss in a more refined manner."
"This passage is unpredictable - the audience doesn't know what is coming next. You mustn't sound like you don't know either."
 
March 2001
"I understand why you're a medical student." (said to an erring player)
"Ok, now I have the violins right - can the rest of the orchestra play an appropriate accompaniment to them? The composer thought of one you might try."
"Good imitation of bassoon playing."
"Play as if you enjoyed what you are playing."
"Your part is totally inconsequential except that you have to play it."
"It is only eight measures, breathe before you start, and die."
"Play it again - one final humiliation."
"Make that note special, but don't make a fetish out of it."
"That sounds like three blind mice, but with your intonation they're deaf, too."
"Not like that! Beethoven wasn't out of his mind yet. This piece was still early."
"You sound like overweight Bavarians." To the violas, of course..
"This is a very difficult passage. It is like Everest - it is there to be climbed." (I could probably climb it. Playing is another story....)
"...We were having so much fun before the violas came in..."
"If you go too fast at the beginning, I'll just stand here and smile while you die at the end."